Bones and blood and corns and mud.

I went back. Because I had to. I had to see. I thought that I would forget all about you. I thought I'd forget all the little details. But they're as vivid as ever. 

Battlegrounds.

Bones and blood and corns and mud. 

Yet I remember the lavish charm you withheld. 

Yet the sight is still tainted. Twisted love. Snapped with fury. Rages and tsunamis. Will you never not hold me?

You're.... just... gone. 

Your cloak and daggers. Your warmth and anger. Your charm and swagger. 

Your whispers, your tickles, your slurps and kisses.

But I'll never forget those autumn days, with the wind and the smoke filled haze, with your long and green tendrils and your longing gaze, with your arms outstretched making me ok.

But...I'll always remember deep in my heart, the claustrophobic panic, giving me a start. I'll always remember that hold on me, the swaying, the playing, the teasing, the strain.

And for that I'm grateful you're feeding the animals, the bristling beasts, the remnants, those poor godawful rodents. 

I'm grateful because you have no hold and next autumn, I tell you I'll be back bigger than bold. I'll be flying circles round you and I'll sway and we'll play and we'll stumble and trip, together we may. And you'll slurp me up all over again, yet I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid and at the end of the day, you're just corn in a cornfield and what else but to say, just you wait, I'll have my day, I'll tower, I'll climb and you'll be afraid, of the day you were left in this lonely place with no one there, just holding your breath, sitting out, waiting for the seasons of change and your stalks all snapped and your bristles splayed, your days all spent, with your bones and blood and corns and mud. 

And I told you, didn't I tell you, I was just about to blossom and fly... because without you I'm as high as a kite.

All photography by Martha Moopette 

Do things really come in threes?

I've just realised that I haven't mentioned our very near death experience we encountered the night before we came back from Rotterdam.

Here's what I wrote to some friends after it had happened on June 1st...

This evening has been an event and a half.

Earlier this evening we sat watching an open air two hour theatre piece in Dutch, next thing we know a man has literally whipped all the clothes from his body in an instant and goes onto run around for quite a while in the nip, dangly bits and all. Kids found that rather funny.

Next on the list of events Talulah got momentarily swept away by the leaving crowd but was reconnected with us fairly quickly as I ran down the stairs from the roof performance, ripping my skirt on a fence on the way, to find her cyrying at the bottom.

And lastly was the most horrifying experience we've ever had. We said goodbye to the sweet people (that run the venue - De Player) at our Metro stop and leave the station. We press the button for the green man and all stood waiting and when it flashed to go we held our girls hands ready to cross but all of a sudden from our right we all heard a really loud noise and look up to see a car that has just been crashed into coming straight towards us at an amazing speed, but it was curving round and literally swooshed past us by a couple of inches and it was so close we all felt the rush of the air and scattered with smokey dust. Then as it was swinging around the bonnet then flew off at which point we only began to fully engage and managed to move back just in time and ran back into the station as the car finally crashed into some bikes and traffic lights in the middle of the road.

On this photo you can see how close this screeching car, skidding on it's two side wheels, sparks flying, came so close to us by the skid marks on the ground. We were further forward than the people in the photo as we were just about to cross the road as the green man had just shown!!

So there you have it. A crazy crazy thing to happen. We felt like we had entered The Twilight Zone, (or maybe that's because we just watch too much of Rod Serling's masterpiece... ALL OF THE TIME). It is so very strange to be so close to either being completely wiped out or be seriously ill in hospital but we just walked away (in stunning shock). When we finally got back to our amazing apartment we were staying in and settled the kids we kept having to pinch each other and make sure we were still here. There was a weird thing that he said to me that I'd been thinking the whole time and as soon as he said it, it just really freaked me out. He asked if we were actually still here and had it not really happened. We both felt that in some ways, on a parallel universe perhaps, that it had actually happened and somehow, we had seen it all, as if it had happened but walked away free. And that there was another version of ourselves out there somewhere that hadn't been so lucky... (yeah, we do watch too much Twilight Zone don't we?!).

Secondly, we have a little wounded soldier staying with us at the moment!

I was at work and received a phone call from my daughter's School informing me that she'd fallen over at the end of the lunch break, hurting her ankle and could someone come to pick her up as she was still in pain and it had swollen quite a bit. Having no idea how serious it was, and being the one holding the fort at work, the Mr went to go and get her. It ended up that it was so swollen (me still not knowing fully how bad it was) that the Doctors advised him to take her up to the local minor injuries clinic at the Hospital and a friend kindly gave them a lift up and then came to pick me up, as I'd asked if it was ok to close the shop early, although by then it was five minutes until the shop had to be closed.

By the time I got there, she'd already had an x-ray and were sitting very patiently in the waiting room. I then noticed her ankle had a very swollen (between the size of a golf ball and tennis ball) lump. It still hadn't really sunk in that it could actually be anything more than a bad sprain or something along those lines. I don't know why. In hindsight, it was rather ridiculous of me that I hadn't quite realised how bad it was.

They called us in and said it was more certain than not that it was broken! So since last Friday we have put the kids mattresses in our room and been camping in our bedroom, so we're at hand if she wakes in the night in pain. Tal's just there, well...because we didn't want to leave her out! Oh and I think I don't need to worry about armpit chub for my sister's Wedding in August (when I wear a strapless dress!) as we've been having to constantly carry Autumn from room to room, so I'm expecting to have nice slender arms indeed.

I didn't intend this post to be so personal, but there you have it. We've just got our laptop back (the one we edit video on) so there shall be some new films soon!

Anyway, bye bye....see ya...wouldn't want to be ya.

Autumn

I love it. I love everything about it. I love that the weather's changed and it's time to pull out those scarves and hats from the back of the cupboard, start having bonfires and blustery walks amongst conkers and Sycamore tree seeds, that miraculously turn into flying helicopters.

There's something really alive about Autumn time for me. Something really magical and beautiful.

Sunday lunches seem even more appealing after a long walk in the woods. Wind whipped flushed faces and rosy cheeks. Crumbles and custard. The smell of bonfires in the air. The heavy sound of the rustling leaves in the trees. And the colours. Oh the colours. Burnt oranges, conkers and berries. Rust, crimson and emeralds.

And then...there's my Autumn. My wonderful, sweet little girl. Who, in actual fact is everything about Autumn. Ranging from the wild winds and storms to the comfort and warmth.

This weekend we'd intended to have a walk in the woods with friends and make some tea with their storm kettle, but unfortunately our little Autumn has had an awful stomach bug, which has rendered her stuck to the sofa the whole weekend.

So I suppose a downside to this time of year is the bugs going around when all the kids get back together after the Summer holidays.

Sleeping beauty

I actually wrote this yesterday and completely forgot to publish it!

 Oh and do pop over to the fella's blog to hear all about his new releases, including The Keystone Cut Ups which is an beautiful amalgamation of music and video by himself (Ergo Phizmiz) and People Like Us.

Isn't amalgamation a good word?!

Did you all have a good weekend? Here's hoping our next one doesn't involve ill children.